Therapy

Having spent some interesting nights in many inhospitable hot-spots around the world, often being shot at by people who really wanted to kill me, I thought I was able to handle most stressful situations.  It had never really occurred to me that I would need to talk about how I was feeling inside; it really wasn’t my cup of tea.  In fact, it’s not really the British cup of tea as we tend to shun the concept of pouring our hearts out to people we have only just met.  Therefore, if you’d told me four years ago that I would be sitting in a small, overly hot, room pouring my heart out to a lady that I had only just met, I would have told you to think again.  However, that’s the way it was following our first failed attempt.  
 
I have to take my hat off to Counsellors as they really know what they are doing and I would strongly advise anyone who travels the route Beth and I have to use them if and when the opportunity presents itself.  They don’t push, they certainly don’t preach and they will listen with a neutral ear as you share your most intimate inner thoughts, and substantial fears.
 
I say fears because we all have them, every single one of us.  It took a while for mine to surface but my worst fear, having seen Beth go through so much pain and heartache, was to witness the entire thing all over again.  How could I justify her pain when I was unable to take my fare share?  This was a natural blockage for me and I was having serious thoughts about the whole second attempt.  
 
That is, until I spoke to Patsy.
 
She spent the majority of our first session unravelling me and my rather complex feelings.  As you have already read, I was wrapped up with the whole supporting problem along with the feelings of simply being a failure.  Believe me when I say it didn’t take her long to discover that little issue.    Don’t get me wrong, she spent plenty of time with Beth but it was me she was keen to get her knobbly fingers into.  Why?  Because I had issues and I wouldn’t be leaving that stuffy little room until she had at least got an angle on them.  At first she spent some time fishing for a way in and when she took hold it wasn’t long before she had me cracked. Yes I lost some tears, yes I was slightly on the back foot and yes I was flatter than a pancake.  It was, however, a start.
 
Looking back, I know every second I spent in counselling I was healing. Their talents are not something I can pinpoint but if it could be bottled I’d certainly invest in the company.  These people have a skill and I am thankful for the time we spent with the many counsellors who helped me during this journey.  If I am deadly honest, I don’t think my marriage would have survived without their help.  And, when I look at things from this point of view it certainly helps to focus the mind.
 
My advice?  Open your heart and embrace counselling in all forms.  It’s not wet or weird or any other word used to describe something you really don’t want to do.  It’s simply a tool, a way used by people in our position to deal with issues that are way beyond our control.  Please, please don’t turn your back on the whole counselling thing as to do so will only delay the process of coming to terms with what you are going through.