The Alternative Angle

 
Following close on the heels of our failed attempt, Beth began to look around for alternative treatments.  She began with pamphlets and books but quickly moved to the internet.  It was almost as if she needed something to keep her mind busy.  
 
This is when I began to feel slightly uncomfortable as I had already had to battle with myself over the entire IVF process.  You see, I initially believed if things didn’t occur naturally then they should remain as they were; let it lie.  Trying to make the body do things it didn’t want to really made me worry in the early days and, if I hadn’t sorted my head out, it would have placed Beth and me on a collision course.  I realised that in order to achieve our goal I would have to accept that Beth would have to fill herself up with drugs and potions.  I settled my nerves by acknowledging that, as the drugs were prescribed and monitored, it was OK not to worry.  That was my plan and I was sticking to it.
 
And there lies the rub.  Beth was now beginning to look at treatments that somehow promised to ‘enhance’ the user’s ability to conceive.  Of course, the literature was glossy and the many graphs went to great lengths to show positive results and, to the layman, were certainly encouraging.  All seemed well and Beth was convinced such treatments were to be investigated and used in the search for parenthood.  I, on the other hand, was not convinced, at all.
 
 You see, in the back of my mind I believe that for every hardship impacting upon mankind there will be someone offering a solution that can be used to ease the pain.  The solution often comes with promises of great things and discoveries of new treatments with advancements in technology just over the horizon.  All this can be accessed by the neediest and often is, for the right price.
 
One of the treatments Beth found offered a ‘healing hands’ approach with various ‘meetings’ with fully qualified ‘consultants’ who would “assist in re-balancing her body in order to re-align vital connections”.  The price - £180 for an initial consultation (non-refundable) and £80 for future sessions with up to six advised as the minimum required; and that’s before they’ve even met you! That’s a cool £660 to be realigned, rebalanced and rebooted!
 
Yes please, and does that come with free wine glasses?
 
Look, here’s the thing; I am not a doctor and I cannot vouch for the reliability of these alternative treatments that seem to populate every corner of the market.  I may be doing them an injustice and therefore I can only apologise.  It just seems that wherever we looked there was a treatment that would ‘complement’ the hard work already underway through official channels.  In my mind it was like adding go faster stripes to an already fast car.  You wouldn’t get there any quicker but you would feel better in the knowledge that you looked good.  However, the last time I saw a car with stripes it was being driven by a teenager who, with music blasting, flew past me at a speed way beyond his control.  Did he look good?  I think not.
 
Was I being overly cynical with this?  Was I denying Beth the opportunity of looking good in her own fast car?  Perhaps I was and I know she was upset and annoyed with me and that made me feel worse in an already difficult situation.  I was not, however, prepared to bend on this.  Yes, we had the money to spend and no, it would not hurt trying.  So why the stubbornness?  I’ll tell you why; where does it end?  
 
There is no question that, at this stage of the game, both Beth and I were desperate to hold that child, to live through the sleepless nights and to play the role of proud parents; it meant everything to us.  We were sick of simply being the Godparents or the caring but slightly wacky Aunt and Uncle who could be relied upon to play with the children or babysit at the drop of a hat.  Because of these things, it would not be a large step to take before we fell into the trap of chasing every potential treatment in order to realise the dream we held so tightly to our hearts.  Yes it did hurt me to say no to Beth and I know she resented my resolve for some time.  In fact part of me still wonders if she ever fully forgave me.
 
But I had made the step from support worker, a position I held during the first attempt, to a fully paid up member of this partnership.  I knew I didn’t want to travel along that route and said so.  We were in this together and whilst I was happy with IVF and all the hardships that came with it, I was not happy to sign up to countless treatments that were being selected via an emotional rather than a more rational process.
 
I suppose it comes down to one thing; remaining focused on what it is you both really want.  It would have been so easy to let Beth have what she wanted as she was desperate for a glimpse of light that would, in some way, help her towards her goal.  There will be times when you will both need the other’s strength to cling on to and there will be times when you will feel that your combined strength is simply not enough.  It is during these times that you will need to dig deeper than you have ever dug in your life because that is where true love and strength lies, deep within the pair of you.  Trust me, it is there and it’s quietly waiting for the day you need it the most.